Gloria: Inzira iganisha mu gukemura amakimbirane hagati y’abantu babiri(2)

Mu gihe ikibazo cy’amakimbirane gikomeje guhangayikisha abatuye isi, hano impunguke yageneye abakunzi ba indorerwamo.com inzira ziganisha mu gukemura amakimbirane hagati y’abantu babiri.

Ikibazo cy’uburyo abantu bakoresha mu gukemura amakimbirane ari hagati yabo gikomeje kuba ingorabahizi ndetse n’imbogamizi ku mibanire myiza ku bakimbiranye, usibye kandi ingaruka zigera ku bakimbiranye, ingaruka z’amakimbirane zirongera zikagera no ku bandi bantu rimwe na rimwe (cyangwa se ahanini) bataba bafite aho bahuriye n’ayo makimbirane aba yabaye hagati y’abantu babiri.

Uburyo amakimbirane ashobora gukemurwa, nibwo butanga ubusobanuro bw’uburyo abo bantu bombi bazabana nyuma yo gukimbirana, ni ingingo itoroshye ndetse isaba ubushishozi budasanzwe mu rwego rwo kubaka sosiyete.

Muri ino nkuru Gloria INEZA KAYITARE yongeye atugezaho uburyo bwafasha abakimbiranye gutangira urugendo rwo gukemura amakimbirane.

Uburyo bwiza bwagufasha mu myiteguro y’urugendo rwo gukemura amakimbirane.

Ese ubundi birashoboka ko twabaho ubuzima buzira amakimbirane? 

Mu nkuru yacu y’ubushize twibajije ikibazo kigira giti “Ese birashoboka ko umuntu yakwirinda amakimbirane?” Twasanze ari ikintu bigoye ndetse ari n’ibidashoboka kubaho ubuzima buzira amakimbirane kubw’impamvu z’ingenzi ari zo: Kudahuza intego kw’abagirana amakimbirane ndetse no kudahuza imico. 

Amakimbirane ari mu buryo bubiri;

• Amakimbirane yubaka: Ubu ni uburyo bw’amakimbirane mu gihe haba hagaragaye ukutumvikana hagati y’abantu babiri, igihe abo bantu badahuje imyitwarire imbere y’ikintu cyangwa ingingo runaka biturutse (rimwe na rimwe) ku mico basanzwe batandukaniyeho ariko iryo tandukaniro ryabo rikaba isoko yo kwiganaho, buri umwe akagira umwete wo kwiga imico ya mugenzi we, iyo ashimye akayigiraho, iyo adashimye akamenya uko azatwara mugenzi we ubutaha, bityo buri wese akungukira muri ayo makimbirane yabayeho. Hari n’ubwo kandi amakimbirane aba uburyo bwiza bwo gukangura abayagiranye mu gihe hari hasanzwe ikibazo hagati yabo ariko kikaba kitari cyamenyekana, ayo makimbirane rero agasa nk’aho ashyize itara cyangwa urumuri kuri cya kibazo, bikaba inzira nziza yo kukimenya ndetse no kwiga uburyo bwo kugikemura. 

• Amakimbirane asenya: Ubu ni ubundi buryo bw’amakimbirane, bwitwa ubusenya kubera amahitamo y’abakimbiranye. Iyo wagize ibyo upfa na mugenzi wawe iteka uba ufite uburyo, cyangwa amahitamo ku bizakurikira nyuma y’ayo makimbirane; ushobora guhitamo kuyabyaza umusaruro cyangwa kwemera ko yo ubwayo (Amakimbirane) akumaramo imbaraga cyangwa se akugira imbata yayo. 

Amakimbirane asenya rero agaragara igihe abakimbiranye bahisemo guheza inguni, ntibihe urubuga rwo kwiganaho ngo bose bakure amasomo kuri uko kudahuza kwabo ngo hanyuma bakomeze n’ubuzima busanzwe. Aya makimbirane icyo asenya cy’ibanze ni umubano hagati y’abantu babiri, ndetse n’ababakikije (abana, inshuti, abaturanyi,…) hagati y’abantu benshi cyangwa hagati y’amatsinda. 

Kuki dukeneye gukemura amakimbirane kuruta uko dusanzwe tubikora?

Umuhanga mu isesengura ry’amakimbirane Michael Dues mu gitabo yanditse mu mwaka 2010 yise The Great lesson (tugenekereje mu Kinyarwanda ni igitabo cyitwa ISOMO RIRUTA AYANDI), icyo gitabo kivuga ku buryo bwo gukemura amakimbirane, yatanze igisubizo kuri iki kibazo agira ati:“impamvu dukeneye gukemura amakimbirane kuruta uko dusanzwe tubikora, ni uko dushaka kwirinda ingaruka mbi zaturuka mu makimbirane twagiranye na bagenzi bacu, icya kabiri kandi ni uko tuba tugomba kutayareka ngo agende gusa, ahubwo tuba dukwiye kuyabyazamo umusaruro mwiza”. 

Ikintu kimwe dukwiriye kuzirikana buri munsi ni uko iyo utangiye urugendo rwo gukemura amakimbirane nubwo wagenda gake, intambwe imwe wagerageje gutera ntabwo uba ukoreye ubusa. Buhoro buhoro uko ugenda ubikoraho ni nko kubaka inzu y’igorofa. Uko ugereka itafari ku rindi, bigeraho ayo matafari menshi yagerekeranijwe yubaka inzu, ariko iyo hatabayeho kwitonda mu myubakire yawe hari ubwo bihirima utaragera ku musozo w’inyubako cyangwa bikazahirima inzu yaruzuye byaratewe n’intangiriro y’imyubakire. Ni byiza rero ko hitabwa ku buryo bwiza, buboneye, kandi burambye bwo gukemura amakimbirane. 

Uyu munsi turaganira ku buryo bubiri bwagufasha mu gihe uri mu myiteguro yo gukemura amakimbirane hagati yawe na mugenzi wawe. (amakimbirane hagati y’abantu babiri)

• Zirikana ko uwo mufitanye amakimbirane atari we mwanzi wawe: Dukunze kenshi kwibeshya ko umwanzi wacu wa mbere ari wa wundi dufitanye amakimbirane, ariko siko buri gihe biba ari ukuri, aha rero bihita bitanga umukoro ugira uti:”Ese ninde mwanzi wanjye?” Ikindi kibazo wahita ugihuza nacyo ni iki:”Ese niba umwanzi wanjye atari uwo dufitanye amakimbirane, hanyuma ubwo umwanzi wanjye ni inde?” Igisubizo ni iki: Umwanzi wanyu muramuhuje. Ni ukuvuga ngo umwanzi wawe mu gihe ufitanye amakimbirane na mugenzi wawe si we, ahubwo umwanzi wanyu mwembi ni ikibazo kirihagati yanyu mwembi kikaba aricyo cyateje amakimbirane. Biba byiza rero iyo mu gihe cy’imyiteguro yo gukemura amakimbirane na mugenzi wawe uzirikanye ko urwo rugendo ugiye gutangira rutazaba urwo guhangana na mugenzi wawe mufitanye ikibazo ahubwo ruzaba ari urugendo rwo gufataniriza hamwe mukarwanya ikibazo kiri guteza amakimbirane. 
• Menya imbaraga bigusaba izo ari zo: Inshuro nyinshi inshuti, abavandimwe, abakorana, abashakanye,… iyo bagiranye amakimbirane buri  umwe aba yumva ko ariwe uri mu kuri, bigatuma yumva ko ari gusabwa imbaraga ziruta iza mugenzi we kugira ngo atsinde urwo rugamba ruganisha ku gukemura amakimbirane. Rimwe na rimwe kwibwira gutya ni ukwibeshya kuko ahubwo imbaraga ukeneye ni imbaraga zigusunikira ku gufatanya na mugenzi wawe mwagiranye amakimbirane, imbaraga zigusunikira ku kumutega amatwi, zigufasha kumuzamura mukanganya imbaraga mu buryo bwose bubaganisha mu gukemura amakimbirane. Aha rero, birumvikana ko ntawe uba agikeneye imbaraga ziruta iz’undi, ahubwo bose bakeneye imbaraga zingana kugira ngo bose bagendane. 

Ngubwo bumwe mu buryo bwagufasha imyiteguro yo gutangira urugendo ruganisha mu gukemura amakimbirane waba wagiranye na mugenzi wawe.

Mu nkuru y’ubutaha, tuzabagezaho uburyo amakimbirane hagati y’abantu babiri yakemurwa mu buryo bwimbitse.